My life completely changed when I surrendered.
Surrender means to give up control of something or someone else.
I am guilty of being one that deeply desires control, for a long time I wanted to be in control.
I wanted all the answers.
I hated the unknown.
And I refused to be a part of something I could not control. I thought this was 'helping' me, but ultimately it destroyed me.
I was lying in my little twin size bed restless while at Selah. I was surrounded by a room full of women I did not know, I was scared, and all I knew to do was read my bible. So I opened it and read psalms 142.
"I cry aloud to the Lord; I lift up my voice to the Lord for mercy. I pour out before him my complaint; before him I tell my trouble.
When my spirit grows faint within me, it is you who watch over my way. In the path where I walk people have hidden a snare for me.
Look and see, there is no one at my right hand; no one is concerned for me. I have no refuge; no one cares for my life.
I cry to you, Lord; I say, “You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living.”
Listen to my cry, for I am in desperate need; rescue me from those who pursue me, for they are too strong for me. Set me free from my prison, that I may praise your name. Then the righteous will gather about me because of your goodness to me."
WOW
One major line that stuck out to me was, 'Set me free from my prison.' I was building this prison for myself and God was the only one that could rescue me from me.
It was in that moment I clearly heard God tell me I would have to surrender to Him.
So, I prayed...hard.
I remember feeling so scared, and telling God that. I knew I could lay out all my fears, heartaches, troubles, questions honestly to God, because He told us so.
This one simple prayer changed my journey and changed my life.
Surrendering to God felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
It finally felt like I could just be and live the life God has planned for me.
Was it easy to surrender?
No.
Is being out of control scary?
Yes.
Does everything go perfectly?
No.
But, I trust the path God has planned for me and believe in the promise of God .
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