In 5th grade I noticed my body was different from my peers.
In 7th grade I learned how to restrict myself into a smaller body.
In 8th grade my body began to be idealized and sought after.
In 9th grade I taught myself how to abuse myself and my body through compulsive exercise.
In 10th grade I neglected my body's needs through avoidance and distraction.
In 11th grade I no longer had a functioning female body, losing my period until present day.
In 12th grade I was diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa.
My 18th, 19th, and 20th year of life was spent in hospitals, treatment centers, doctor’s offices, therapists’ couches…and many tears.
My worries with food and body soon became accompanied by crippling anxiety/depression, and debilitating ocd.
I fully believed I would never be loved without my sick, dying body.
I fully believed I would never be successful without my sick, dying body.
I fully believed I would never be accepted without my sick, dying body.
I fully believed my sick, dying body kept me safe.
Safe from comparison.
Safe from failure.
Safe from grief.
Safe from the world.
Simply…safe.
Only, it was the farthest thing from safe.
It is and was isolating, manipulative, irrational, and even deadly.
Eating disorders affect at least 9% of the population worldwide.
Eating disorders are among the deadliest mental illnesses, second to opioid overdose.
10,200 deaths each year are a direct result of an eating disorder.
81% of 10 year old children are afraid of being fat.
Body dysmorphia affects 1-3% of the overall population.
In honor of NEDA (National Eating Disorder Awareness) week it felt important to bring up the realness and severity of eating disorders.
Unfortunately, eating disorders are affecting those of all genders, ages, races, religions, e.t.c. AND, not everyone is as fortunate as I was to have access, both geographically and financially, to professional treatment.
Check in on your family and friends, be kind to strangers, and show yourself compassion!
I proudly can say I am in active recovery and it really does get better.
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