Heaven

December 13th, 2018 was the most gut wrenching, and life changing day.

My whole world turned upside down.

The day started like how my new ‘normal’ had become. 

I went to school and between that I ran home before my late night of long cheer practices. Just like I had done everyday. 

I valued my time between school and practice. I valued the moments with my family, especially my Mamie and Grandaddy. 

My Mamie was pretty sick at this point, but we still rejoiced in the little things. Online shopping, TV, talking about life, her scratching my back or holding my hand…truly just being in each other's presence. 

This day was different.

I opened the door, excited to see my Mamie and tell her all about my day, and my heart dropped to my feet. 

She was sitting in her spot on the couch that she had been for the last month. 

The room was dark, I could see her bald head, her frail body, her yellow skin, and her weak eyes… only this day she was speechless.

She was too weak to talk anymore.

There were nurses at the house and I was scared. I did not want to face the reality we were living in.

I kissed my Mamie on the forehead and ran out the door to practice as quickly as I entered. I cried the whole way there, alone, I did not want anyone to know how scared I was or how bad I was hurting. I was supposed to be the strong one.

I went into practice.

I threw bodies in the air and flipped myself backwards.

Anything to avoid, I mean Nationals were two months away. I had become pretty good at avoiding, and this day was no different. 

We were warming up before doing a full out. I heard the gym doors open. I was confused, we practiced super late, who could it be? I slowly turned around. It was my sister. 

I crumbled to my knees and cried tears I had never cried before. 

My heart felt like it was ripping to shreds.

My whole family had just watched my Mamie take her last breaths in the same home we had made so many priceless memories in, together. 

We raced back to the house. The whole family was sitting speechless.

I cried, and hugged and kissed my lifeless Mamie one last time before she was taken away in a big, black bag. A sight no one should have to see. 

December 13th, 2018 was the worst day of my life.

My heart broke.

And those daunting years of sickness taught me so much. My Mamie was so strong. And, she never lost hope.

My Mamie truly lived how she believed: that God is good ALL the time.

Some of my Mamie’s very last words were, ‘Always keep God first.’

Life really has shown me the importance of allowing God to be the center of all things.

The nurses asked my Mamie, ‘Ms. Johnson, are you scared of where you are going?’

She confidently responded, ‘I know where I am going, I am just worried about my family.’

My Mamie lived a fearless life despite the horrifying battles she faced. She knew that there is life after death, and believed there was a kingdom waiting for her in Heaven. And, I fully believe she lived a more beautiful life because of it. 

Today is hard…so hard.

And, today I know my Mamie would want to be remembered by the beautiful life she lived. <3