Life used to terrify me.
Like actually terrify me.
I wanted to avoid what living actually was at all costs. Everything/anything I did resulted in a spiral of fear that consumed my mind. Anything that provoked even the slightest fear or anxiety I ran from. And soon, that was everything.
The only comfort I could ever find was through compulsions OCD robbed my mind of, and/or actively engaging in the eating disorder.
Things I find comfort in now, used to be things I could not enjoyably do. The greatest one for me is prayer. Yes, I have always been a person who prays… but it used to be different. When fear controlled my life, OCD did also. I would pray each day continuously, not because of wanting a relationship with God, but because of a ritual my mind convinced me I had to do or something terrible would happen.
My life changed when my prayer life changed, and that I am so thankful for. Now I talk to God to give thanks, to ask for help, and to present my fears and worries vulnerably to Him.
Living a life truly connected to God eases the fear of life, more than the eating disorder or OCD ever will. Do not get me wrong, I have been there. I have fully believed behaviors and rituals would be the cure to my fear. And, it took me a long time to learn it is not. But, I have never been more thankful.
God says, ‘Fear Not,’
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